Saving Alec
by AdventKisa-x
Summary: AU fic, no shadowhunters. Alec is a bullied Junior in high school, desperately wanting to end his life. Magnus is a senior, one of the most popular boys in school and oblivious to Alec's pain. Will Magnus save Alec in time? rated M for language and suicidal talk, Lemons in future chapters.
1. Chapter 1

AN:** This is my first story in a long time on here and I'm hoping everyone loves it. I've had it in my mind for a little while and just couldn't get it out of my head so I made an account just to put it up here. **

**Oh and I own nothing, if I owned TMI there would be alooooot more of Alec and Magnus love. I do have an OC in there though **

**Warning: character attempting suicide, cutting, emotional issues, and future boyxboy love. You've been warned**

Show me what it's like  
To be the last one standing  
And teach me wrong from right  
And I'll show you what I can be  
And say it for me  
Say it to me  
And I'll leave this life behind me  
Say it if it's worth saving me

- Nickelback – Savin me

Alec POV

I don't know how I get myself into these stupid situations. Mom and dad would never be okay with Jace or Issy driving them home drunk so I have to drive them to and from parties. Unfortunately there's one tonight. Fun.

I'm sprawled out in the backseat just watching the tree's go by as Jace drives, way to crazily, towards the lake. I wince every time he hits a bump, not wanting to imagine his terrible driving if he was drunk.

Isabelle is sitting in the front next to him, texting a mile a minute. I don't know why she feels the need to text so many people, who she would coincidentally be seeing in a few minutes.

My phone chimes and I looked down at it, instantly smiling. It was Allie, short for Allison.

**I wish I could come 2 the party, but u no my mom and dad…**

I closed my eyes and sighed at the horrendous text speak. I loved it though, the fact that she was even talking to me today felt amazing.

**Yea I know. I'll miss you though. **I quickly replied, smiling.

But my smile disappeared quickly, she didn't know. She couldn't know. What I was going to do tonight.

I looked at my backpack, knowing I had filled it would all my heavy books from school. I felt uncomfortable in my heavy boots and clothing. I knew I was going to have to ask someone else to take home Jace and Isabelle tonight… because I wouldn't be going home. I'm sure one of their many admirers would agree, even though it was me asking.

My phone chimed again signaling that Allie replied. Isabelle giggled from the front seat, "looks like Alec is popular tonight."

Jace laughed and looked back at me before turning towards the road again, "Is it Allison again? When are you going to ask her out dude?"

I felt my face flush. The answer of course was never. But I couldn't say that. Jace didn't know I was gay; Isabelle did but never said anything about it. She didn't care, probably because she was wrapped up in her whole world.

"We're just friends Jace. She's not into me like that." This well... was a lie. Allie has liked me ever since we met last year, and five months ago had pressed her lips against mine. I wanted to cry, I couldn't help it. I wanted so bad to feel a spark or connection because Allie had deserved it. I told her I was gay and she just smiled really sadly and said "I know, I just had to do that at least once."

But back to the car ride, I know Jace said something and I had zoned out. "What?"

"I said why did you bring your bag? You're not going to do homework at the party are you because that's just lame dude."

I felt my face go red yet again. No. No homework. But I had to lie again, "I brought my sketch book. I won't be hanging out at the party I'll just stay in the car and draw."

I hated having to lie to them. I hated knowing I wasn't strong enough to go on. I hated knowing tonight, while they are partying, I'll be walking into the lake holding my heavy bag. Never to come back up.

It doesn't sound very poetic. I've been thinking about ending my life for months now, and coming up with this one felt the most right. Just letting water fill my lungs and never resurfacing.

Never to be hit again. Never to cut myself again. Never to hate myself anymore.

I felt my eyes prickle and a tear slowly slide down my face. I wiped it away quickly as we pulled up next to a red jeep and Isabelle instantly jumped out and ran into her boyfriends arms. Jace leaned back and looked at me with his piercing gold eyes, "Are you okay?"

I hated lying, really, I hated it. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Never to cry again. Never to be bullied.

I could feel my fake smile plastered on my lips. Never to be dismissed again. Never to be hurt again.

Jace shrugged and leaped out of the car and I got out slowly, noticing that there was around 30 cars, and a bunch of students already on the beach. There were several bonfires and loud music playing and the students were dancing.

I walked down to the trees next to the beach and sat in the cold next to the water. The other kids a good 30 or 40 yards from me. Far enough away they won't notice me in the dark.

This is what I wanted right? No not really. But I felt this need; my bullies are here, the guys that beat me up on the walk to school every day. The girls that laugh at my "emo" clothes. I wanted everyone to walk into school on Monday and the principal telling everyone in the auditorium that a student was found dead in the lake they were at a couple nights before.

I almost wish I could hear the shock. Alexander Gideon Lightwood committed suicide? No, it would never happen.

The only thing I would regret was never getting to see Allie again. Never getting to see my mom and dad again. Never getting to fall in love.

I could feel the tears trickling down my face as my phone chimed again, it was Allie.

**Don't have 2 much fun w/o me dude!**

I couldn't help the tears falling faster, as I replied. **Never. I love you.**

Would she ever forgive me for letting go of life? I hoped not.

I looked up at the party in full swing, could see no one giving me any glances, I felt alone in a crowded party. Cliché I know.

I typed a quick text to Isabelle, **Have Simon give you and Jace a ride home. Don't let Jace drive drunk!**

I slipped my phone back into my pocket, smiled grimly, and pulled my backpack up onto my back. Hoping it was heavy enough to keep me from freaking out in the water and trying to save myself.

I looked back up at the party and smiled wider. I love you Jace. I love you Issy. I love you Allie. And I stepped into the water.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Sorry everyone this chapter has been eluding me all week. I don't have a computer so I'll be writing once a week or twice if I get up to the library twice a week. I'll have a new chapter done tonight or tomorrow in compensation :) enjoy!**

Where there is desire  
There is gonna be a flame  
Where there is a flame  
Someone's bound to get burned  
But just because it burns  
Doesn't mean you're gonna die  
You've gotta get up and try, and try, and try

**- Try by Pink **

**Magnus POV:**

I listened to Camille chatter on and on about how amazing Homecoming was last week. I had gone, of course, but it wasn't exactly thrilling like my parties usually are. What's the point of a dance when you can't exactly.. dance like you want to against your partner. Or drink alcohol. Or do anything fun.

"Magnus what are you thinking about darling?" I took my eyes off the road and looked at her as she said, "You haven't listened to a thing I've said have you?"

I smiled and turned my head back to the road. We're going to a party, a sort of last beach party type of thing. All the upper classman were invited but it's the beginning of November, it's getting cold. I doubt very many people will actually be there. Though the bonfires sound amazing right about now.

Camille's eyes were narrowing farther and farther and shit, I forgot to reply to her question. "I hope this party isn't as boring as I think it will be. I could be home picking out my outfit for Monday or buying more glitter at the store or something. Who's all going to be there?"

She snorted and opened up her phone typing on the keyboard, probably texting all her friends.

She giggled and looked at me, "Well most of the seniors. A few juniors I know. I think Jace Wayland is bringing Isabelle Lightwood. She's a sophmore I know but she is really cool."

I nodded. Jace Wayland, a sophmore, was probably almost or maybe more popular than I am. He's on the football team, and a very good player at that. All the girls follow him around like little puppy dogs trying to get attention from him. Isabelle Lightwood, his sister, was a sophmore as well even though she was a year younger than him. She was whip smart, gorgeous, and very popular as well.

Camille sighed, "Izzy just texted me. She, Jace, and Alec are on their way to the party."

I knew what the sigh was about. Alec Lightwood. He's Jace's and Isabelle's older brother. He's a junior, just a year below Camille and myself. And to say he's unpopular is putting it mildly. He's one of those nerdy emo boys no one really talks to. His hair's always falling into his face, and he's very small under those baggy clothes he wears. No fashion sense. I mean it, none. Zip. Nada.

It made me shiver just thinking about it. I've never talked to him. But I do know Cammie and all our other friends frequently talk down to him. I used to try and get them to stop, but Alec doesn't fight back. Just takes it. So I let it happen.

I know that makes me sound like a bit of a jerk. Maybe I am, oh well I have way to many things to think about then that boy. Like my ex for example.

Jamie was my boyfriend up until Homecoming night. We got back to my place and when I laid him in my bed, drunk, he confessed he'd been with some other guy. I saw red and pulled him outside and shut the door on him. God I need a girlfriend, or boyfriend, who can be faithful. I mean look at me, I'm Magnus freaking Bane. I'm gorgeous, it can't be that hard to find someone right?

I turned onto the street leading down to the lake where the beach party would be held. I realized Cammie was quiet. I turned to her and she narrowed her eyes again, "What the hell are you thinking about?"

I cleared my throat and looked sheepish, "Uh, Alexander. and Jamie."

She waved her hand in a dismissive way, "Don't think about that dirtbag Jamie. And don't think about Alec Lightwood. No one's thinking about him right now. He's just there to drive Jace and Isabelle home if they get drunk."

I nodded and made the final turn. There were a bunch of cars already there. My hope for something small was destroyed in one moment. Damn why are there all these people in the cold?

Camille jumped out of the car as soon as I put it in park and I got out at a much slower, calmer pace. Her eyes lit up, "Ragnor's over there by the big fire. Come on Mag." And without turning back to look at me she rushed over to our friend Ragnor.

I chuckled and shut the door. a few parking spaces away another car pulled in and before it even stopped Isabelle Lightwood was rushing out of the car and into Simon Lewis' arms. Of course, Simon's her boyfriend.

The drivers door remained closed for a minute before it opened and Jace got out, looking confused. Why?

The back door opened next and Alexander got out of the car. Black hair over his eyes, and of course he was wearing a black jacket, black shirt, black pants... all that black... how does he do it. I simply must have color in my life. I looked down at my rainbow pants and purple velvety jacket.

His door shut and he seemed to scan the beach. Grimacing at the sight of all the people. What did you expect Alec? It's a party. His eyes drifted over the cars and didn't stop at me but kept scanning. My breath hitched. I've only ever seen those eyes a few times but when I did... a shiver went up my back.

Those eyes are totally gorgeous. Black hair and blue eyes are my favorite combination. They seemed to pierce into your soul. What the hell am I on?

He walked around the side of the car and I noticed he had his bookbag in his hand. What the hell? Why would you bring a bookbag to a party? He walked away from the comotion of the party and down towards the tree line. He was probably going to hang out and wait for Jace and Isabelle to take them home. I've seen him at plenty of parties, but never participating in the fun.

Oh well why am I thinking of him so much?

I took one last glance over at Alec before I moved towards the big bonfire where Cammie and Ragnor were. Some people were dancing to the music and some were just drinking their beer and hanging out with their boyfriends or girlfriends or friends.

I stood next to Cammie and istened to them talk for awhile, looking at all the other seniors and juniors who decided to attend. Some sophmores were in the mix but only a couple that were invited by junors or seniors. Oh well doesn't matter.

I was moving to the music slowly when someone sighed rather loudly next to me and I turned. Isabelle and Simon were a few feet away. I perked my ears to hear her over the music, she looked... angry and worried at the same time. "Alec isn't staying. He wants you to drive me and Jace home. He's probably walking home the dumbass."

Alec's walking home? We're 14 miles from town. It's pretty chilly and his outfit isn't enough to protect him from the cold. I guess I should go stop him and take him home.

I turned towards the treeline and noticed a few of my classmates were down there next to Alec. It was a few of my friends. Friend's who weren't exactly fond of Alec... I shoud take care of this.

I told Cammie what I was doing and she didn't look she just nodded her head and waved in my direction.

I turned and walked down towards the tree's and the closer I got the more confused I probably looked. Why was he wearing his backpack? Why was he standing him the water? I don't get it, it's probably freezing right now.

One guy, Marcus, had his hand on Alec's shoulder and shoved him. Alec fell and I started walking faster. I watched him hit the water and groan loudly. I was almost right behind Marcus, Caleb, and Jesse when one of Marcus' legs kicked out and struck Alec in the ribs.

I grabbed Marcus and pulled him away from Alec. "Hey what was that for?" HE turned and looked me in the eye then looked down. I let him go and he backed away with Caleb and Jesse right on his heels. "Mag... Magnus, he uh... he wasn't invited and I was teaching him a lesson."

I glared at him, "It's not right to attack someone who can't fight back Marcus. If you touch him again I'll make sure you never hurt anyone again."

I don't know why I was defending Alec. I didn't really care about him. I just didn't like to see Marcus take advantage of someone who couldn't defend themself.

I turned back to Alec and lowered my hand to pull him up. I narrowed my eyes, why is he so heavy? He's so skinny. My eyes went to his backpack and he started stammering nonsense. I looked up at him and he looked like he was shaking, from the cold? His cheeks were bright red and he kept saying sorry. Why is he sorry?

I laughed softly and rested my hand on his shoulder, "I'll make sure they leave you alone Blue Eyes."

He flinched away from me and looked down, "I can handle myself."

I know one of my eyebrows rose into my hairline. "Yeah, looked like it. Come on I'm taking you home."

He sighed and looked back at the water before looking back at me, "I can walk."

I laughed, "Oh no. It's miles away, it's cold, you're soaking wet, and I would feel really bad if I walked away and you froze to death on the way home."

He let his backpack lower off his back and he pulled it into his arms, "fine... let's go."

I giggled and grabbed for his bag, lifting it out of his arms. What... the hell... It's so heavy! His bag must be stuffed with all his books from school plus a bunch of other stuff.

Cammie was right. He's such a nerd. Carrying around all these books. Like he has that much homework.

Unless it's something else. Alec won't meet my eyes. What is going on?

**AN: sorry it's so short. l wasn't sure where to take this. The next chapter will be the ride back to Alec's home and some other drama sad things. Tell me what you want to see and I'll try to incorporate it if I can! Until next time**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Here's the new chapter. Warning; there is self harm and suicidal thoughts in this chapter. I own nothing except Allie and my own thoughts **

My name is revenge and I'm here to save my name  
You're fuckin' wearing me out!  
You're always dragging me down!  
You're the fake, fallen, force of nature, sick mind  
I don't need a gun to take back what's mine  
(You're fuckin' wearing me out)  
It's over  
(You're always dragging me down)  
It's over

**"My Name (Wearing Me Out)" – Shinedown**

**Alec POV:**

I've never been so angry in my life. My chance to finally be free. My chance to finally end my life. It was all for nothing.

I should have expected something to happen. I had no idea Marcus and his jackass friends would approach me. And I definitely had no idea that Magnus Bane would defend me against them. That might have been the most surprising part of the night actually. But I don't know if I actually deserved what he did for me.

I was glancing down at my feet. His car is so warm... It's nice to get out of the cold air. It isn't so nice being sopping wet though and bruised ribs at that. Shivering, I ran my fingertips against my ribs and winced lightly.

Magnus must have noticed me shivering because he reached forward and turned the heater up, and pointed the vents at me. I felt so… cherished in that moment. I quickly banished that thought. He just doesn't want me to freeze to death.

I could feel his eyes on me again but I refused to look at him. He tried to talk down at the water; I could still feel his fingertips against my back when he walked me back up to his car. He tried to talk the first couple minutes of the car ride but I still refused to talk back.

Thankfully he got the hint. I don't want to talk. There is no point in talking to me.

What am I supposed to say to him? 'Hey, thanks, you saved me from suicide.' That would go over swell. I thought I'd been found out when he grabbed my bag out of my arms. His eyes widening in surprise. I thought he put two and two together. I was sure of it. But he didn't say anything about it.

My secret is safe with me.

Magnus pulled off the highway and he looked over at me again, "five or six minutes. I bet you can't wait to get out of those wet clothes."

I grunted softly before I shut my eyes. Way to go Alec. Very considerate. In most cases you would be so thankful and nice and stuff. "I uh… thank you. For driving me home. I could have walked though."

I noticed him smile out of the corner of my eye. "No need to thank me Alexander. Least I could do. I saw my friends assault you. What were you doing in the water anyways?"

I knew my face was beet red. What to do… "I didn't walk out very far. I was just thinking and wasn't paying attention to what I was doing." Lame Alec. Really lame.

I noticed his eyebrow raise and I knew he wanted to say something back. He doesn't believe me.

He turned onto my street and pulled into my driveway. I watched him put the car in park. "Thank you Magnus." I reached for the handle, desperate to get into the house so I could find my blade.

I stopped when he grabbed my other hand and I turned to look him in the eye. My breath hitched slightly looking into those golden green eyes.

"Alec are you okay? I know we never talk or anything like that but I'm here if you need to talk to someone."

I smiled at him, hoping it didn't look fake. "I'm okay. Thank you again." When I reached for the door this time he didn't stop me.

I picked up my bag and slung it over my shoulder. I went to shut the door.

"Alec."

I looked at him; my breath hitching again when I looked into his eyes again, "What?"

He smirked, "See you Monday darling."

My cheeks pinked and I slammed the door. I walked up the steps leading to my doorway. My fingers shook as I opened my door, before I took a step inside I turned back and waved at him.

I walked inside and laid my head against the door for a second. No. You will not see me on Monday.

I ran up to my room, out of breath thanks to my bag. Angel, how could this plan have gotten any worse!

But now it will end. I shut my door and flung my bag onto my bed. I pulled my jacket off and threw it onto the floor before I grabbed my pocket knife off of my table.

I pressed it against my already scarred wrist and slid it across the skin. I moaned from the pleasure and pain and slid it across my skin again. The beautiful red liquid was sliding down my hand onto my bed.

Before I did it again I heard his voice in my head, 'Darling'.

How I wished someone could really care that much for me.

How I wish someone could love me.

Magnus saved me from some bullies. I wish he knew what he had really saved me from.

I slid the knife against my skin again, please let me be free.

Angel, please let me be free.

**AN: Sorry to leave you guys on another cliffie. To answer a question already brought up, yes Magnus will realize what Alec was really doing. There will be a confrontation but not for a few chapters. As always, please review. **


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Sorry last chapter was so short. I wasn't quite sure where to go with this one either. But the big reveal to Magnus is in a couple more chapters so just hold on. Again, I own nothing. **

Just close your eyes  
The sun is going down  
You'll be alright  
No one can hurt you now  
Come morning light  
You and I'll be safe and sound

Safe and Sound – Taylor Swift

**Magnus POV:**

I couldn't help thinking about those blue eyes as I fit the key into the door of my house. I don't know why, I've seen him before. I've looked into his eyes before.

He's always so sad. No matter why, he always looks like he's about to burst open and cry. Of course, me, being my usual self, never really cared.

I don't care now.

Do I?

This is so confusing. I don't know how to help him. Wait what Magnus? Since when have you wanted to help him with something? Alexander is one of those people everyone tries to avoid.

He's so shy, he barely speaks. The only time I've ever heard him talk at school was in the three classes he's in with me. And he only ever talks to the teachers.

But it's always with such relish. He is happiest in school, even though his happiness is layered in sadness.

I don't know why he's affecting me so much. All he cares about is school. That's why everyone thinks he's just a nerdy boy.

That bag explained it more than anything. I swear, I think his whole locker was in that bag!

As soon as my door opened the Chairman was rubbing against my leg. I swooped down and pulled him into my arms and nuzzled my face into his fur.

I ran my fingers over his ears and looked into his slitted eyes. "You hungry Chairman Meow?"

His mew was pitiful. I stroked his fur lightly and laid him down on the ground and walked towards the kitchen. He was pattering after me, meowing louder.

Thank God I didn't stay at the party longer. He would have given me hell for making him wait this long for food.

The house was so quiet. The staff must have already gone, and they usually make as little noise as possible. Ever since my grandmother died and left me the family house they've been working for me. She adopted me after my mother's suicide and father's death. But she died a year ago. Now all I ever do is have parties here.

That's what I love. Parties. Drinking. Having fun with hundreds of people dancing against each other.

My phone chimed as I poured food into a bowl for the Chairman and I fished it out of my pocket. It was Camille.

**R u coming back to the party?! We r having fun!**

I rolled my eyes and quickly texted back. **No. I took Alexander home and came back to my house. Have fun. See you tomorrow. **

That is something I could really look forward to.

Camille, Ragnor, and a couple of our other friends were going to the mall. Ahhh all the delight in that. New clothes! New makeup! How could I not enjoy it?

I set the bowl on the floor and he started eating. I pulled my jacket off and laid it on the back of one of the kitchen chairs, watching Chairman.

Again, my mind drifted to Alec. In the car he was so cold. Physically and emotionally.

When he shivered I turned up the heater and pointed it towards him. It was way to hot for me but he seemed to relax more. But when he touched his ribs and winced I wanted to turn the car around and drive back to the party.

I didn't hit Marcus, but at that moment I really wanted to go back and make him feel as much pain as humanly possible.

It wasn't right. Something was wrong with Alec and Marcus attacked him! Jesse and Caleb didn't do anything but they could have stopped it too.

I knew on Monday I'd be having a talk with all three of them. And I'd make sure no one ever messed with Alec again.

Gah. Why do I care? I don't get it.

I've never cared about him. But one run in with some of my friends makes me act like this. Wanting to beat up my now former friends over him.

I'm going crazy.

I walked slowly up the stairs and laid down on my bed. Within minutes Chairman jumped up and laid down next to my head, hogging the pillow.

I smiled lightly before it disappeared.

There was something wrong with Alec besides being assaulted by Marcus.

He barely spoke at all on the car ride which was normal for him. But there was something off about him beyond that. The little he did speak it was like he was holding something back.

When I told him we were close to his house and he could get out of those wet clothes he just grunted at me. I mean he responded right after saying thank you but still.

He was acting kind of like I… wasn't doing him a favor.

Like I was doing the opposite of what he wanted.

He said I didn't need to take him home, he could have walked. Yes, let's just walk 14 miles! In the cold. In wet clothes. Alexander is insane.

I would have gone to school on Monday and the principal would have said Alec died from freezing to death walking home after a party.

I couldn't let that happen. My phone chimed again, it was Cammie again.

**Izzy wants 2 no if Alecs ok. He is not texting her back.**

My head turned lightly, confused. Maybe his phone got in the water. I mean he was soaked. It might not work anymore.

But I texted back. **Tell her he's fine. His phone might have gotten wet cause he fell in the water. I left him at home safely lol. **

I tapped my fingers against my chin. Alec did glance at his phone once or twice in the car. Maybe he's just ignoring his sister. Not the first time someone's ignored their siblings.

I pushed the thought out of my mind. He's fine, he's probably asleep. I looked at the clock next to my bed and read that it was a littler after 10 pm. What!?

I wasn't at the party long. The car ride only took 20 minutes or so. I rubbed my face lightly. I need to stop zoning out, thinking about Alec.

Alexander…

I could still feel his back tensed up underneath my fingers. How can someone be that tense?

And then again when I grabbed his hand in the car before he got out.

That time he just looked at me. I heard his breath rise when he looked into my eyes. I think I could lose myself in those eyes. Those tortured, pain filled ocean depths.

I shut mine and rubbed my face. Why am I thinking about him like this?

It's not like I really care about him. I don't.

When he went up the steps to his door I waited in the driveway. Wanting to see him get inside safely.

He turned and looked at me for a second before giving me a wave and went inside.

I've been thinking about it ever since. Something is really off about him right now. He's on edge. And incredibly sad about something but I don't know what it is.

It could be anything.

He failed a class, ha! He got into a fight with a friend. He's having trouble at home. I have no idea.

And why do I care?

I told myself I don't care what's going on with him, I was just trying to help him out, make him feel better after my friends hurt him.

And it only started out with me going to offer to give him a ride home.

Chairman was purring into my ear loudly and I couldn't help smiling again.

The thing I don't get the most is though; the part that made my heart hurt the most, why did he give me that stupid fake smile? That concerned me the most.

I, Magnus Bane, was giving him a ride home. I was trying to make him better. And I couldn't get a happy smile? He was thankful and courteous, after a few minutes, but he wasn't happy at all in the slightest.

Something is off about this boy.

And I am going to find out what it is.

I am going to help him.

I just don't know what I am helping him from exactly.

But I will find out. And I'll befriend him. And I'll help him figure out that there are things to smile about in this world. In my world.

**AN: I know Magnus is a little ooc, and he's acting very conceited (which I don't think is entirely ooc). Allie will also be returning to the story next chapter. Anyways, review as always, and I'll try to get a new chapter up tomorrow or this weekend. Have a good V-day everyone!**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Suicidal thoughts and cutting in here so you're warned. Also you get to learn a little bit more about Allie. I don't own anything except Allie and my own thoughts.****  
**

A long vacation didn't sound so bad  
Was full of secrets locked up tight like iron mountain  
Running on empty so out of gas

Thought I wasn't enough  
Found I wasn't so tough  
Layin' on the bathroom floor  
We were living on a fault line  
And I felt the fault was all mine  
Couldn't take it anymore  
By The Grace Of God – Katy Perry

**Alec POV: **

My eyes were blurring up as I looked at the five lines leaking that beautiful liquid. It was running down my arm and landing on my bed. I knew I was losing way to much blood.

And I loved the feeling. My head was pounding. I couldn't think about what I was doing. My lips pushed into a smile, a real smile.

My phone kept beeping; I didn't know how my phone survived the water. I knew the texts were from Izzy, my phone annoyingly chirping in the tone that signals a text from her. She had been texting me ever since I left the party.

'R u okay?' 'Did Magnus take u home?' 'Dude answer me'.

I should have replied but after the first few texts I just laid my phone down and let it keep chirping away. I could easily pretend my phone was ruined in the water. Magnus would be able to explain.

Hopefully.

What I hadn't counted on tonight was Magnus…

He was like an angel to me in that moment on the beach. He defended me against his own friends, friends he's allowed to bully me before now. But tonight for some reason he didn't let it happen.

I guess it's stupid, calling him an angel after so long of knowing him.

I can't really say I know him, I just know who he is at school. His eyes have drifted towards me a few times, after his friends say things to me.

At first, my freshman, sophomore years he'd try and stop them. But I would never react. I wouldn't be entirely thankful. I know it probably hurt him but how can I really react.

I don't care what everyone says about me or does to me. In the end they're all just chalk lines on the ground.

They wash away in the rain.

I am washing away. Who will remember my chalk lines?

I slid the knife against my skin in one last line. It was pure pain this time. The knife fell from my left hand and landed on the floor, I reached towards my bedpost and held on as the wave of pain fluttered through my body.

The only thing I hated about this was that mom, dad, and Max were out of the country. Mom and dad do a lot of work away from home and Max is in school. All three of us had to go to boarding school, the Institute, before high school here.

I didn't want to think about Jace and Izzy finding my body. But there was no other way. Magnus didn't force me to get into his car but there was no way he would have let me walk like I wanted to. I would have stayed, hidden, by the lake till after the party.

But he had to be protective.

Protective of me… 

Like my angel…

No Alec don't think like that. No one thinks of you like you matter so why think of other people like this?

My body was shaking as I held onto my bed post. I cut too much; there was no way I wouldn't pass out from it. I would pass out and then… then I will die.

Dying it's such a nice idea right now. I'll be free. I won't have to suffer anymore, is that not what I want?

I lie down on my bed and just let the feelings flow over my body. It was over.

I am free…

My phone chirped again but it wasn't the tone I have for Tizzy's number. It was Allie's.

God… 

My eye's opened slightly and I couldn't help the sick feeling sliding over my very being.

I'm a monster!

I'm so sick. I'm so disgusting!

How could I do this to Allie! She needs me. I'm the only friend she has, the only person she trusts more than anyone else.

I knew I was shaking, from the pain and from the blood loss. I can't believe what I'm doing.

I thought it wouldn't affect her but I know, she'll hate me when she finds out.

It'll only be for another couple months anyways… I can hold out for her. In a few months, I'll be able to finish what I've started here. But I have to wait...

How could I forget my own best friend's pain like this. She would never forgive me for thinking about killing myself. Thinking about it. She would hate me forever if I actually did it.

Against my better judgment I found myself pulling myself away from my bed, holding onto the wall as I opened the door to my bedroom. The walk to the bathroom was agonizing.

The pain, the pain was so great I could barely breathe.

What am I saying, I love this feeling.

But I have to hold on. Because Allie needs me. I can't let her down again.

I could feel the liquid fall onto the floor as I stumbled to the bathroom. I would need to clean this up, or come up with some stupid excuse for Izzy and Jace.

I stepped into the doorway of the bathroom and my fingers trailed up the wall to the light switch. I squinted as the harsh light flashed on, blinding me for a moment.

I can't breathe… I sat on the side of the bath tub and opened the lower cabinet which held Band-Aids and gauze.

My fingers brushed the gauze and I pulled it out, every move agonizing.

My hands moved on their own accord, desperate to keep myself from bleeding anymore of my life blood.

I could hear my phone chirp again, Allie again.

I swear she's psychic. She must know something's wrong with me but I put that thought away from my head as I wrapped the gauze all the way up from my wrist to my elbow.

I cut way to many times this time. I don't know how I'll be able to explain this…

I rested my head in my hands and stuck my head in-between my knees. I feel like I'm going to pass out…

I waited for my eyes to refocus and I looked down at my arm. I'm selfish. I'm a monster. I'm not thinking of anyone except myself.

Izzy, Jace, mom, dad, they would be disgusted that I'm so weak.

Magnus… he would be disgusted with me right now.

I staggered to my feet and got a wash clothe, I need to clean up the mess I made. Though it hurt so much, I was able to get on my knees and clean the blood off the floor leading to my bedroom.

My phone made that noise again and I sighed, Allie.

I threw the wash rag into my laundry basket and I sat on my bed next to my phone.

I picked it up and slid it open, clicking on my messages as soon as the light came on. I clicked on her name and her three texts came into focus.

**Mom says we can hang out tomorrow! Let's go to the mall! **

I smiled. To say her mom and dad are overprotective is an understatement. They don't let her do anything fun, ever.

**Alec Lightwood. U better not be ignoring me!**

Even though it hurt I ran my bandaged hand through my hair. She is so pushy!

**Alexander text me back!**

I let out a chuckle. She knows I hate being called Alexander and only does it when she's mad at me.

I quickly type in a text, **I'm here, and I'll go to the mall with you tomorrow. Want me to pick you up?**

I can do this. I can pick her up, take her to the mall and hang out. Maybe go to the movies afterwards, buy her overpriced popcorn and have a good time.

I can do this…

Her answer was almost immediate. **Finally! Mom and dad r going with lol. Pick you up at 1 ily babe!**

I smiled again and ran my hand over her name on the screen.

I clicked on Izzy's and thought I should face the fire. 19 texts, all asking if I'm okay, if I got home, or if Magnus is secretly a hatchet murderer and locked my body in his basement.

I couldn't help the laughter that burst from my mouth. It'd been so long since anything could make me laugh quite like that. Good job Iz.

I texted her back saying Magnus isn't a secret hatchet murderer as far as I know, I'm fine; phone was off, yadda yadda yadda. And I would be asleep when they got home.

I glanced at my clock and realized it was almost midnight. Yeah it's time for sleep.

I could take something for the pain but I think I'll try and sleep through it. I need to feel this, to feel the pain.

Next time I will take care of this for good…

I lie back on my bed and shut my eyes. Thinking of those beautiful gold and green eyes. Magnus… I wish you could really save me.

But it will never… ever happen.

**AN: I'm so sorry it took so long! But don't worry, the next one will come in a few days and it will be Magnus' POV of the mall trip. And you'll get to learn more about Allie. **


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: I know I posted this chapter yesterday, but I was at the library and had literally only 50 seconds to post it and I wasn't finished editing it. So I'm putting up the completely edited nicer, neater, chapter here. Plus I added a little bit. Sorry for all the mistakes yesterday, and I'm about halfway done with the next chapter which will be in Alec's pov, so you won't have to wait long at all for it. **

I got a lot to say to you  
Yeah, I got a lot to say  
I noticed your eyes are always glued to me  
Keeping them here  
And it makes no sense at all

Nothing compares to a quiet evening alone  
Just the one-two of us, who's counting on  
That never happens  
I guess I'm dreaming again  
Let's be more than this

Crushcrushcrush – Paramore

**Magnus POV:**

Tap, tap, and tap.

My fingers drummed against the steering wheel as I sat impatiently outside of Camille's house. I had next to no sleep over the night. I don't know why, I couldn't get those blue eyes out of my brain.

I needed to figure out what was going on with him, because something is obviously going on to make him look at me with those side ocean eyes.

I still couldn't get over why he had his book bag with him. What sane person would take their homework to a high school party?

Nothing about the boy is sane. I mean look at him then look at me.

I know I used up way more makeup than usual to cover up the bags under my eyes. My hair is spiked up like usual and I'm wearing new rainbow pants, a black shirt, and white jacket with buckles on it.

Thinking of him right now I'm positive he's wearing black. All black. I need to try and get him to wear more color when I talk to him next…

Wait, what Magnus? You're not going to talk to him. You don't care about him, remember?

My fingers curled around the wheel. I glanced back up at the house and smiled when Camille finally opened the door and stepped out. She sent me a cheerful grin and opened the car door and got in. "You ready to shop Mag?"

I couldn't help the return grin. Oh, shopping! I love shopping. I can only imagine what I'll be getting today. I could spend hours picking out things from stores. I spend hour's everyday getting ready for school.

I nodded and restarted the car, pulling away.

I should have known it was coming, what she said next. "So… was the ride taking Alec home as horrifying as I thought it would be?"

I don't know why it bugged me, I had a pleasant time. Well, pleasant as in he mostly ignored me till he finally placed those gorgeous blues on me when he got out of the car. God, get out of my head!

"It was alright. I tried to talk to him but he wouldn't talk back. It was so weird; he brought his book bag down to the lake. Caleb and Marcus and Jesse were bullying him when I walked up."

Camille nodded at me. "Yeah, they have always messed with him since he got here his freshman year. I remember the first time I saw him, I thought he looked weird."

That's just like you Camille. Thinking anyone without a fashion sense is off your radar. I thought he looked adorable the first time I saw him.

I'm never actually going to forget the day I saw him for the first time. We'd just got back from summer vacation in-between freshman and sophomore year. Camille had already begun teasing the new freshmen; we were waiting for the bell to ring.

This boy walked by in front of us next to the secretary, she was telling him where to go I expect. I figured he was new, or one of the freshmen who was coming in from middle school. His hair was in his eyes, and he was looking down at his class schedule while he listened to the secretary talk.

I completely droned out Camille, at that moment I needed to know that boys name. We were standing in the doorway leading down to the gym and the music rooms.

The secretary had her hand on his arm and she pulled him right up next to us and pointed down towards the music rooms. "That's where the Chorus room is. The first door. You don't need to worry about any of the others past that. The big doors go to the gym and the smaller doors on the left side of the hallway are the locker rooms. I'm sure you know what you do there."

The boy nodded and smiled shyly. I could see the rose tint of his cheeks.

I could feel more than see his eyes drifting over to Camille and I, then move on to the other students littered about the hallway before coming back to us.

That was the first time I saw his eyes. They were so blue. So gorgeous. At that point in time I would have done anything to get him to be mine.

But the moment was gone and he was following the secretary away from us. I couldn't forget those rosy cheeks. He was blushing when his eyes met mine. I told Camille instantly I thought he was the most adorable angel I'd ever seen and she was disappointed she missed seeing him.

Later in the lunch room I was so happy he was in our lunch period. I wanted to go sit by him but Camille dragged me over to Ragnor. I noticed that no one sat next to Alec; he didn't look like he wanted anyone near him really. I remember even then thinking that he looked so somber in his black clothes. Some things never change.

I never really got up the courage to speak to him much more than hello's and how are you's while walking near him in the hall. I know it's weird, I'm probably the most popular guy in the school and I couldn't talk to the social reject boy.

Then subtly I noticed people weren't going near him at all. He didn't make any friends, and was slowly making enemies though I doubt he knew it. Everyone was talking about the new boy, the freak boy.

Initially I supported him. When I saw people near him that I knew were messing with him I would rescue him. I hated seeing anyone hurting him in any way.

But he'd just nod and walk off. Occasionally saying thank you. Once he told me he could handle himself. That day was one I would never forget. I could practically see those eyes swirl in anger and… shame? I remember smiling and telling him I knew. I remember reaching my hand out to his face to brush the hair away but he pulled away.

Then towards the end of the year he'd stop saying anything. He wouldn't acknowledge me, like I wasn't doing him a favor. So I let everything happen.

Some people thought that he was emo. Some guys thought it was funny to draw red on their wrists. I remember once some guy shoved him up against a locker and I… I stood by in the crowd. I wanted to slam them against the lockers and make them realize no one that perfect could do all that.

I remember when Isabelle and Jace finally got to the school, my junior year. Alec was a sophomore and they were freshmen.

The bullying stopped for awhile; Isabelle was very protective of her brother. Then they both got higher up in their popularity status, Isabelle becoming a cheerleader and Jace becoming the star of the sports teams, leaving Alec behind as the reject kid in the family.

I felt so awful for him, but I could never show it. He didn't appreciate it. He didn't want it. And most importantly, he didn't want me.

So yeah at one point I wanted him to be my boyfriend and all that stuff but he didn't really care what I was doing for him. I have no official ties to the blue eyed boy. But now…

"Magnus Bane are you listening to a word I'm saying right now?!"

My fingers clenched around the wheel. "Sorry Cam. I was thinking about Alexander."

I could see her eyes narrow at me from the passenger seat. "Will you stop thinking about him? He's not really important right now. Are at all really."

I wanted to yell at her. He's important to me right now. Though I'm not entirely sure why after all this time.

I pulled into the drive thru entrance of the mall, it was jam packed! Worst day to come here. "Is Ragnor going to be here?"

She nodded, staring at her phone. "Yeah, Tessa can't come. But Ragnor is here and that leaves me and you and the girls."

I rolled my eyes. The "girls" were Camille's friends Rachel and Britney. They gossiped more than Camille did. And that is a mean feat to do. Their not my friends but Cam is close to them so Ragnor, Tessa, and I usually just shut our mouths about them.

It's like Marcus, Caleb, and Jesse. They were friends of mine but really only school friends. Well, now they're not really friends.

We got out of the car and made our way through the first level of the store, looking for Taki's, our favorite place to stop and eat. We walked inside and I immediately noticed our friends.

Ragnor and Rachel were already at our usual booth and Camille squealed and rushed over to them. Which was weird, Camille's really not a squealing type of a person but oh well.

I sat across from Rachel and tapped my foot against the ground. Camille and Rachel were talking a mile a minute and Ragnor and I kept glancing at each other but not saying anything.

Surprisingly to me there weren't many people over by us at Taki's. A couple booths were filled, closer to the back, but most of the people were shopping at the various stores in the huge building. I couldn't wait till I was doing it too. I love shopping. I'm an addict and I probably need shopping rehab but I love it!

Britney finally walked up and sat next to me and put her hand on my arm. I had a hard time not pulling it away from her. She's had a crush on me for the longest time, and lovely, lovely Camille is always trying to get me to see her in a different light. Yuck.

Britney leaned forward towards Camille and Rachel and giggled lightly, setting my teeth on edge. "Guys you will never guess who is here right now."

I rolled my eyes at her even though she couldn't see and Ragnor shook his head smiling, "Who?"

"Alexander Lightwood! He's here with a girl!"

My head has never whipped around so fast in my life. I was scanning the entire room outside the restaurant, though I knew it was probably futile. I couldn't find him anymore. I leaned towards Britney, "Where did you see him?"

She smirked, "The girl he's with said they had to meet her parents at Taki's in half an hour. You guys want to shop or think we should stay? You guys have to see this girl."

I was nodding, smiling. I was going to corner that boy and ask him what the deal was with his bag and why he was being so antisocial after I rescued him from freezing to death.

Camille's eyebrow hiked up at the smile on my face but shrugged, "we can stay." The others nodded. The waitress popped up out of nowhere and asked for our orders; we each got some kind of shake and got a big bowl of fries to share.

I was so excited. I needed to see this boy again, you know, before school where I probably wouldn't be seeing him much. We only have a couple classes together, but in both classes we're allowed to pick our own seats, I'd be making sure to sit next to him.

I shut my eyes for a second, what is with me right now… I don't care about him. I don't. I just want to figure out why he's so sad all the time. That's all I want, right Magnus?

Camille kept giving me looks as she and the other girls and Ragnor talked. I didn't want to tell her that I'm really worried about what's going on with Alec. I don't want to tell her that I've been thinking about those ocean blues. And I most definitely don't want her to know I've been periodically calling him Angel in my mind.

That would only make it a little bit awkward. Just a bit, a smidge.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and groaned softly. We still had 20 minutes till they'd be here! Hopefully Alec's friend wants to come a little early…

And that made chills run down my spine. Brit seems to think they're here, together, as a couple. That's why she's so giggly. That for some reason put a sick feeling in my stomach. Please don't let it be true.

I was so certain that Alexander is gay. He's never had a girlfriend, ever! I do want him to have friends, but for some reason the idea of him having a boyfriend or girlfriend made me sick.

My eyes shut and I ran my hand through my hair, probably messing up all the glitter when Britney's hand came down like a vice on my arm. "They're here, they're here!"

I opened my eyes and turned towards the windows of Taki's, looking out on the mall floor. I could see Alec, wearing all black, of course. And next to him was a short girl, no more than 5 feet tall and she was so skinny it couldn't possibly be healthy. She was wearing a black and white stripped long sleeved shirt, a black leather jacket over it, and white and black plaid pants. I shook my head at her appearance, she looked good, and she should give Alec some tips on fashion.

But my eyes were drawn to his face as he opened the door for her. He looked so… happy. I've never seen a smile that big on his face before. I know it sounds selfish but I want to put that smile on his face. I wanted to make him that happy.

She was looking up at him with the same look, happy. Did she love him? Are they together? I need to find this out!

I looked pass her face to her head and realized she had a black beanie on completely covering her hair. She must have really short hair, bad hair cut or something maybe.

He linked his arm through hers and practically dragged her to the counter. I looked over at my friends; Ragnor didn't seem the least bit interested. His eyes were on his phone, playing a game. Camille was still staring at me with a knowing look and I shrugged at her. Rachel and Britney had their eyes glued on the couple at the counter. Camille dragged her eyes from me and looked back towards the counter. Smirking softly.

They sell a lot of snack food at Taki's, and some kinds of meal food so I wasn't surprised when Alec ordered some kind of salad for them to share and a shake for them to share as well. This really wasn't helping my theory on them _not _being a couple.

There are only a couple booths in Taki's, and a row of stools at the counter and we were at the booth closest to the door so they had to walk by us to go to one of the booths.

Alec's eyes met mine as he walked by and I let a smirk cross my lips, despite looking like he didn't own any clothes in different colors, he looked nice. He lowered his head and I thought I could see that beautiful rosy tint again. I enjoyed knowing that I could make him blush like that. It made me happy. I don't know why he's affecting me like this…

They sat at the booth behind us and unfortunately my back was to them. I didn't want to turn around, I felt like they probably wouldn't appreciate my spying. Camille, Ragnor, and Rachel were on the opposite side though so they could get a good look. Though Ragnor was still immersed in his game and Camille seemed more interested in me. Why's she still staring at me? I raised my eyebrow at her and she smirked. What?

Rachel of course wasn't being subtle. Staring at them, she pulled out her phone and typed a message on it before passing it over to Britney and myself.

**They r sitting next 2 each other not across!**

My heart kept dropping a little more with each word I read. They're friends, please be friends.

What's the matter with me? My lips firmed and I probably looked angry. I don't like the idea of them together right now. She seems like a nice young girl but come on… I don't want anyone to have him.

Even though Britney and I were closest to them we still couldn't hear much of their conversation. They were talking so softly. Brit suddenly had her head on my shoulder, turning so her left ear was open to Alec and the mystery girl. I wanted to push her off. But the big part of me wanted to know what was going on so I let her stay there.

It felt like someone was staring at me, besides Camille at least. I wanted so desperately for it to be Alec.

I could hear soft laughter coming from the booth behind us and realized it was Alec. I don't think I've ever heard a laugh come from him… it was beautiful.

He laughed again and said the word, "Allie!"

Allie must be the girl's name.

Our waitress came by and slapped the bill on the table and moved on to the couple behind us. She walked back next to us and I realized she had both dishes in her hand from Alec and Allie's table. We'd been here for awhile just sitting here.

The bell dinged over the door and a… let's just say surly man and woman walked in. Allie and Alec were both immediately up and standing next to our table, right in front of Allie's mom and dad I'm guessing.

The man smiled at the couple, "Allie, it's time to go. Alec, you said Isabelle's picking you up? We can drop you off, it's really no trouble."

Alec nodded and smiled sadly at the man, "Isabelle and Jace are coming here in an hour after their game is over. I can walk around, and I know my house is on the opposite side of town than yours."

Allie's mother nodded, she looked grateful. "Allie, say bye to Alec and let's go. We'll pick him up to go with us in a few days."

My friends and I were all staring at each other, trying really hard to talk lightly and look like we weren't spying on them. It was hard with Rachel and Britney and Camille pointedly staring up at Alec every few seconds.

Alec reached down to put an arm around Allie's waist and she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek lightly.

"Bye, pretty girl." His voice was so sad. Do they really not see each other much or something? They seem close. I've certainly never seen that smile of his.

She nodded and kissed his cheek again, "See you in a few days handsome man."

We all watched her and her mom and dad leave. Alec moved towards the door a couple feet and watched her leave before he pulled out his phone. I watched him text someone, probably Izzy.

Rachel and Britney started to giggle. Britney looked up at Alec, "Your girlfriend is so hideous it isn't even funny. And where does she shop? Goodwill?" Rachel was nodding laughing.

Camille just looked at me, smirking.

I didn't agree. I thought she was cute.

And how dare they say this stuff to my Alec?

My Alec? What…

Next thing I know Alec's hand slammed down on the table and his eyes drifted over to me. I could practically feel the hatred burning in his eyes. I've never been on the brunt of that kind of hatred, besides from my father. I didn't say those things Alec… I'm sorry.

His eyes stayed on me for a few seconds before he turned his gaze on Britney, "You people disgust me. Real nice, making fun of a cancer patient."

**AN: Sad cliffie! I'm sorry. But you guys should be proud of me, this chapter is well over 3,000 words and I still wanted to keep going. My longest chapter ever. Next chapter you'll find out more of Allie from Alec's POV. Now here is your turn to make some suggestions. Magnus will understand about what's going on soon about the book bag and stuff, should the confrontation be in Alec's or Magnus' POV? I have it thought out and outlined in both, and was considering making that chapter start off in Magnus' and moving to Alec's or maybe starting in Magnus' and moving to Alec's half way through. But it is coming! Soon! **


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Here's the new chapter ladies and gentlemen. This chapter was hard to write because being bullied and feeling alone is something I've felt before. So it was easy to just get into Alec's character in this chapter and I never wanted to stop writing, please R&R, and enjoy this chapter. Again, I own nothing except Allie, who I'm pleased to say that everyone likes her!**

We don't have to take this  
Back against the wall  
We don't have to take this  
We can end it all  
All you'll ever be  
Is a faded memory of a bully  
Make another joke  
While they hang another rope  
So lonely  
Push him to the dirt  
'Til the words don't hurt  
Can you hear me?  
No ones gonna cry  
On the very day you die  
You're a bully

Bully by Shinedown

**Alec POV:**

I don't know what just came over me. I dealt with that bitch Rachel staring at me this whole time. I dealt with Britney putting her head on Magnus' shoulder to spy on me and Allie. And I dealt with Camille smirking at the cruel joke Rachel and Britney were making.

But I couldn't deal with the ashamed and sad look Magnus gave me.

I've never been so angry and I just reacted, I punched their table. Even Ragnor looked shocked when they all stared up at me.

I felt my eyes drift over Magnus before letting them lock onto the girls. I felt the words leave my mouth. 'Cancer patient'.

And then… I took off.

That's what I'm doing now, speed walking as fast as I can without looking like I'm running, trying to get away from them as fast as I possibly can without breaking down.

My dear, sweet, Allie. Shortly before I met her, almost a year ago, she found out she had an inoperable tumor in her brain. It was cancer.

She's had a brave face but the part that always affected me and her parents the most is what the doctors said. She had 6 months, a year, if that. She made it 6 months but it's been almost a year now. And her body has slowly gotten weaker.

We used to hang out almost everyday after school. Over the summer we wouldn't be separated. I spent a good portion of my time sleeping next to her on her bed.

But the last few months have been really rough. She's been really sick, having the worst sorts of headaches; I've cleaned up enough of her sickness to know that her body is deteriorating right in front of our eyes.

I've looked up everything I could on brain tumors, and in this case there's nothing they can do. Today was a good day. She doesn't have many.

I tried to avert her eyes from the stares. She loved Taki's so when we walked in and I saw Magnus and his friends, I couldn't just walk her right on out. But I could keep her eyes on me and away from them.

She smiled throughout the whole time. We didn't even buy anything today. Just browsed.

When I felt her thin waist around my arm I barely held back the tears, though I don't think I held back the choking sound in my voice. I wanted to make things better for her…

Her arms were around my neck and she placed her lips on my cheek and I tightened my grip on her waist before I pulled away.

I knew it was silly; acting like this was goodbye forever. She has an appointment in a few days, to find out how far the cancer has progressed. How long they think she has.

But the moment was over and she was walking out with her mom and dad. As soon as she was out of eyeshot I was texting Isabelle to ask her to pick me up after the game.

I lied to Allie's dad; the game wouldn't be over for at least a couple hours as it just started not to long ago. But I was okay with walking around. With all of Allie's doctor's bills I couldn't ask them to waste money taking me all the way across town to my home.

Britney drew my attention to herself, talking about Allie being unattractive and buying her clothes at goodwill.

And I lost it. Just a second and I lost it.

I slammed my hand down on their table.

Rachel, Camille, and Britney's eyes were wide. Ragnor was thin lipped, and Magnus… I could see the sadness and pain in his eyes when I told them Allie had cancer. And then I ran.

I can feel the adrenaline literally rushing through my veins as I sidestep people, trying to find the exit blindly. I know my face is red and every face shows me Magnus' sad eyes.

Magnus pitied me. Pitied Allie.

I could hear someone saying my name behind me but I walked down the stairs to the lower floor and made my way towards the exit.

"Alexander, please, stop!"

Even though my entire body was trying to push me further away I slowed my steps and looked behind me. Magnus was following me.

I could see the worried look on his face from here, he was only 20 or 30 feet from me and I had a split second decision.

Wait for him, run outside, or go into one of the stores next to me and hide in a bathroom till he goes away.

The malls Books and Co. was right next to me so I walked in there and headed straight for the bathroom. This part of the store was giant, and I knew I would be able to lose him.

And luckily, the bathrooms were separated so there were no stalls, just a door that locked.

I was breathing heavily as I turned the lock. I turned towards the mirror and looked into it. I looked like hell came flying up and decided to torture me a bit.

My hair was more unruly then ever, my face was red, and the tears were dangerously threatening to come flying down.

I had to hold it in. Till Izzy comes.

I ran my hands down my front over to my pants to make sure my wallet hadn't fallen out of them when I was running away.

Damn, I ran. I confronted them, and then ran like a little girl.

I wanted to hate Magnus for being friends with them.

As I ran my hands down my front I could feel my beloved pocket knife, resting right next to my wallet.

Oh god… I want to so bad…

I pulled my knife out of my pocked and flipped the blade up. It would be so easy, just a couple more cuts…

I need the weight off my shoulders so bad right now.

I knew this was bad, this was a bad idea but I couldn't help rolling up my sleeves, this time I could cut my other arm… Just a few, and wrap it in toilet paper. And get more help later.

Just a few cuts…

Someone knocked on the door lightly and I cleared my throat, "Hold on a second."

Books and Co. has an amazing, obviously, book selection. I'll make a few lines, and then go find a book, sit down on one of their unbelievably comfortable chairs, and read til Izzy got here. I could do this. I can do this.

"Alexander, please come out."

My eyes widened. He followed me in here! Get a hint Magnus. I don't want to talk to you.

"Alec, come on. I didn't know they were going to act like that I'm so sorry."

I shook my head and kept staring at the mirror. Go away… Go away please… I couldn't voice it because I knew… I hoped, he wouldn't really leave.

"I'm going to stay right here till you talk to me. And I know it's going to look really weird to the other customers, I mean, I'm talking to a door."

I almost snorted in laughter.

I heard a weight against the door and I knew he was leaning against it. Waiting for me.

I looked longingly down at my knife before I sighed. Fine…

I flipped it shut and slid it back into my pants. I'm in trouble, real trouble. I got to be more careful then I'm being.

I turned the lock and opened the door slowly. I kept my eyes trained on the floor; I could see my shoes and his in my vision. I noticed one of his hands reaching for me and I think I stiffened to the point of being ice.

He must have noticed to and pulled his arm away.

Magnus cleared his throat, "So uh… you want to sit down? Or stand in the bathroom doorway all day?"

I know my face pinked and I shut the door of the bathroom and walked over to where I enjoyed sitting the most here. There were only a couple chairs and the store isn't very busy so it was just me, and Magnus.

I sat down in my favorite chair and he sat in front of me. A small table in between us.

I could feel his eyes on me but I still refused to look at him. I got to get home… I got to get away…

He cleared his throat again, "Alec, I'm sorry. About them, I hope you know I bitched them out before I chased you through the store."

I could feel my face heat up, again. I made him chase me through the whole store. I felt so bad… "I'm uh… I'm sorry… I didn't mean to make you uh… chase me. You know. I was just… upset."

I let my eyes rise and I looked him in the eyes. "I'm really sorry."

Magnus raised his eyebrow at me, "Don't be sorry darling. I'm sorry they were acting like that. It was wrong of them. And to set the record straight, Allie is pretty, and she doesn't deserve cancer."

I felt my eyes tighten as I tried to keep the tears in check. Magnus, this is the second time you've nearly brought me to tears. Why do you have this affect on me?

Before I knew it his hand was on my cheek, his fingers running back into my hair and his thumb brushed against my cheekbone. His smelled like… sandalwood.

My eyes widened and he smiled softly before pulling his hand away. "Sorry."

"It's no problem Magnus." What is he doing to me…?

And suddenly I wanted that smile on me again. I wanted that hand on me again. I wanted to tell him everything, everything because I wanted to lean on someone for once instead of letting everyone I love to lean on me.

But I couldn't.

I felt myself stand and he looked up at me with an unreadable expression, "I'm um… I'm just gonna walk home or something…"

He stood and grabbed my arm abruptly, "No, I'm not letting you do that. I'm driving you."

"I figured you brought Camille."

He nodded, "Yeah, but she's going home with Ragnor again. Besides after the way she was treating you and Allie, I don't want her in my car with me right now."

I couldn't help the blush that came rising up in my cheeks again. Part of me wished I could have seen Magnus chew out Camille and the others. It would have been a sight. It was like the old Magnus, the one who used to defend me, was back. The one who made school so much easier to handle.

He made me feel safe back then. And he's doing it now… why?

He gave me a ride home because he didn't want me to die of hypothermia or something. He chased me through the mall to make sure I was okay, now he's giving me a ride home to what?

His hand was still wrapped around my arm and I looked up at him. He was only a couple inches taller than me, but while I'm skinny and wiry, he's lean but still muscular. He stepped closer to me and I looked up into his eyes, they were still unreadable but his hand relaxed on my arm before he pulled me into his embrace.

My face was pressed against his shoulder and he had both of his hands pressed against my back, holding me against him.

I took in his sandalwood and other scent that must be Magnus' personal musk, and breathed in deeply. God I never wanted it to end.

I'd always wanted to know what it would feel like to be in his arms.

And now I know. Now I know… Will probably never know again, but at least I got to find out before…

His fingers slid to my elbows and he pulled back slightly. "I really am sorry. For what they did. It was uncalled for. I'm so sorry."

I felt myself smile slightly, "It isn't your fault. You took care of it though."

I pulled completely away from him and looked down.

He chuckled and grabbed for my hand, I felt his fingers squeeze my wrist, "Let's get you home."

And the second time in two days he dragged me to his car. He opened the door for me and I got in.

I texted Izzy saying she didn't need to come get me now, I had a ride.

This time, Magnus was quiet, didn't speak at all. But it wasn't awkward. Just a pleasant silence.

We pulled up to my house and he rested one of his hands on mine and I looked him in the eyes. He pulled one of his lips into his mouth and looked like he was chewing on it. I raised my eyebrow at him.

He smiled lightly, "Are you sure you're okay darling?"

My cheeks flamed again and I nodded, "Thank you, for being there. And uh… for the hug."

He chuckled, "I can give you one of those any time you want one. Even right now."

Before I knew it he had my belt off, one arm around my back and had pulled me against him.

It was more awkward, probably because I was expecting it this time, but I had a hard time not putting my head on his shoulder and relaxing into his embrace.

I pulled away first this time, and he looked… disappointed? No Alec, don't be stupid he wouldn't be disappointed about not getting to hug you more.

I felt for the door handle and pushed the door open and got out.

I looked back in at him and his gold and green eyes met mine. "Thank you Magnus."

He smiled again, "I guess I'll see you Monday?"

I nodded. I was having trouble closing the door. I didn't want to take my eyes off of him.

He smiled wider, "Then I can't wait to see you darling."

My heart fluttered and I waved before shutting the door and rushing up the stairs to my door. I waved again as I opened it and stepped inside, my mother just in the entrance, "Who was that, Alexander?"

I pushed the door shut, "A friend, mother."

I chewed on my bottom lip lightly, he'll only ever be my friend… when Allie dies, so will I… When Allie dies… I will too.

So there can never be a Magnus and I, but at least I can hold onto those hugs for a little bit.

**AN: So now you all know what he's planning, he wants to commit suicide because Allie doesn't have a lot of time left and as soon as she's gone, he thinks he will be. I'm not sure if I'm going to give this a good or bad ending, thoughts? I also got in the first contact, well, two. Two hugs. Next chapter is Monday, so they'll be at school together. The big reveal is coming soon!**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: I know these chapters are usually posted earlier in the day so sorry for the delay, I had an appointment earlier so couldn't do it till now ^^ I hope you all enjoy this chapter. 34 reviews guys! Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews. I tried to respond to them all ^^. Please keep it up and enjoy this chapter. **

Do you think about me  
Like I think about you?  
Do you think about me  
Like I think about you?  
Oh, yeah

Sometimes I wonder if you wonder  
What it could have been like  
When you're sitting there drinking coffee  
Are you thinking of me  
When it's thundering and raining outside?

Do you think about me – Carrie Underwood

**Magnus' Pov:**

I dropped off Alec and immediately went home. It didn't matter that I didn't get to shop or do anything with my friends in the store, besides feeling like complete shit because of what they were saying.

I'm for sure not going to speak to Britney or Rachel again unless it's to yell at them some more. I think they got off easy. I called them and Camille asshole's for being so rude to Alec and Allie. I told them they were despicable for being so hurtful to two people who didn't deserve it.

I wanted to say more but I was afraid I'd lose Alec. I had to follow him. I had to explain and say sorry.

Granted I probably looked insane, chasing the poor boy through the mall. And I wasn't helping myself calling out to him.

He wasn't being very sneaky, dashing into Books and Co. I personally have never been in there but I saw him run for the bathroom. It was just my luck it was a solo bathroom and not one that had multiple stalls.

I felt like an idiot, leaning against the door, trying to talk to him through it. I was so sure he wouldn't open it but I was determined to wait for him, even if I had to wait a couple hours for Isabelle to get there to pick him up.

Alec finally opened the door and I just wanted to yank him into my arms. He had tears in his eyes, and was barely keeping them in. I wanted to caress his face, and never let him go.

What? I just want to make him feel better… not rub his face and hold him. Okay, maybe you do Magnus, but just as a friend right?

Sitting across from him was awkward. He didn't really talk except to stutter and say sorry. You're sorry? I kept thinking how stupid you were being.

Alec didn't need to be sorry. He hadn't done the wrong, stupid things. Britney, Rachel, even Camille were being monsters.

I offered, well, ordered that he would ride with me back to his house.

And the next thing I know I had his arms gripped in my hands and I was pulling him towards me. He stiffened but I had my hands on his back, keeping him pressed against me.

He is only a couple inches shorter than me, and it was perfect. Our bodies were molded together perfectly, I didn't want to let go of him. I could feel every part of his chest pressed against me, it was faint but I could feel his heart beat slamming against his chest, pressed against mine.

He was nervous and it was cute, I just wanted to keep him pressed against myself forever.

He pulled away and his face was so deliciously red. I just wanted to press my lips against his cheeks, those beautiful rosy hues. Possibly slide my lips down his neck, and finding out if that blush reaches down to his chest instead of just his cheeks, neck, and ears.

I shut the door to door to my house and leaned against it, sliding down to the ground. Chairman Meow padded over to me and mewed softly, pressing himself against my side.

For once I didn't cuddle him or hold him; I just wanted to think about that beautiful boy. He was truly, oh, so, beautiful.

Screw Camille and everyone else, I want that blue eyed, black haired boy. Want him more than I've ever wanted anyone else, and I could have anyone in the world if I wanted.

But I don't… I want that boy.

The hug in the car was more awkward but I could still feel him pressed against me, I wanted to do that again. I need to feel him in my arms again; it just felt so right…

So perfect.

I pushed myself up off the floor and dashed upstairs. I was going to find the perfect outfit for Monday! I had to wear something that Alexander would enjoy, I am going to woo that boy if it was the last thing I would do!

On Monday, I dressed in black skinny jeans and a black and white long sleeved checked shirt. I was hoping it would impress him.

I tapped my fingers impatiently against the steering wheel. Isabelle, Jace, and Alec were cutting it really close to be at school on time. Isabelle and Jace don't really care about being tardy but I know that Alec probably thinks it's a sin to be late for school.

For the first time in quite awhile I'm actually early. I wanted to walk in beside him, possibly hold his hand, or something damnit!

Finally their car pulls into the parking lot and slides into a spot a few spaces down from me. They pulled in crooked and Izzy jumps out of the driver's seat. I should have expected that, it's pretty much known at school that you should never ride in a car while Isabelle Lightwood is driving. She just wasn't good at it. Jace and Alec must really trust or her must really be stupid and brave.

Jace and Alec climb out of the backseat and I rip the keys out of the ignition and I feel like I'm flying to be at his side in a heartbeat.

Jace's eyebrows raise and he looks me up and down, "Hey sparkles, what's up?"

My eyes narrow at him; he's called me sparkles ever since he's gotten to the school. Ass.

"Just here to walk Alexander to class."

His eyebrows rose impossibly higher and he looked at Alec to confirm this. Alec looked at me and back at Jace, his face red, "It's okay Jace, we kind of got along at the party and at the mall."

Jace didn't seem to care really; he just nodded and headed up to the school front building.

Alec tried to walk away but I grabbed his arm and pulled him back to me, he looked up and I saw that former fire in his eyes, "You don't have to walk me to class. I have my own two feet and I'm going to use them."

Whoa, feisty. I smirked at him, "Nothing wrong with me walking next to you? We do have the same first period class you know."

He sighed and visibly stiffened. He seemed to be having a war going on in his brain, and happily the side that likes me won out. "Okay Magnus… let's get to class before we get in trouble."

The warning bell had just rung and I followed him towards the school, I opened the doors for him which made him blush. I was happy about that.

We were awkwardly quiet again but at least he was letting me walk with him. My fingers were brushing along his back as we continued towards the art room, I was happy to say the first period of the day is my favorite. We could also pick where we wanted to sit.

I made sure to drag him over to my usual table, and didn't listen to his protests. He usually sat next to Clary, well if she wanted to sit with him she could come over here.

Unfortunately, she did and sat across from us too, and kept giving me glares as she leaned towards Alec whispering to him as the teacher talked about some new kind of project we were going to work on. We had to make a painting about the person or thing that inspired us the most.

We had to turn in rough sketches of it, and then a full drawing, and lastly the painting. I had a feeling that I knew a certain blue eyed boy would be the subject of my project…

Alec steadily ignored me but I knew he could feel my eyes on him, his back was getting straighter and straighter but he kept his eyes on Clary. I let my fingers slide over his hand and he looked up at me, blushing again.

I let my fingers slide in-between his and laced them together. It just felt so… right. His hand in mine. I picked up his hand and laid it gently down on my thigh, keeping our hands firmly laced together so he couldn't pull away.

He sat to the left of me so I had his right hand cradled in mine, sliding my thumb across the skin over his knuckles. He wasn't reacting more than a light blush but I knew he liked it.

I turned our hands so I could have easier access to run my thumb down to his wrist, just wanting to feel his heartbeat against my thumb.

My finger grazed some material that I knew wasn't an undershirt or one of those hideous wrist bands. It was gauze, his wrist was bandaged.

Alec jerked his arm away from me and I could see his eyes widen. I reached for his hand again under the table but he pulled it away again.

I flipped open my art sketch book and tore out one of the pages. Clary was deep in thought and was busy drawing so I knew it would be safe for at least a couple minutes. I wrote a note and pushed it towards him.

**What happened? Are you okay?**

He sighed and wrote back, **I'm fine, why wouldn't I be? Just kept myself on accident at home.**

I narrowed my eyes at the note. No way, he freaked out when I touched the bandage. Was it… was it on purpose? Does he cut himself?

I pulled the paper back towards myself and scribbled a quick note, I know we only have a few more minutes in class; **you can talk to me about anything. What did you do?**

He paled when he read it and pushed it back to me without writing an answer. I knew it, he's cutting himself. All my friends, back then, were right.

But it hurts… It hurts me to think of what kind of pain he is in. What could possibly be happening to make him maul his beautiful flesh?

The bell rang and he jumped up and sped walked for the door.

I had a few seconds to decide… follow him and confront him or not?

I stood and walked in the direction I knew he would be going.

I'm following him; I'm going to save him from himself.

**AN: I hope you all liked this chapter. It was kind of rushed I know and a little hard to read, I have the most trouble in Magnus' POV's, but next chapter will have both of them in it and they'll talk about Alec's self harm, but not the suicide attempts, you'll still have to wait a little bit before Magnus really thinks about what was going on with Alec at the lake. But please review and hopefully you enjoyed this chapter. **


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Here's the new chapter! I hope you enjoy this. As always I own nothing except Allie who isn't really in this chapter at all. The only warnings for this chapter is talking about self harm. Enjoy. **

Nothing's gonna hurt you the way that words do  
When they settle 'neath your skin  
Kept on the inside and no sunlight  
Sometimes a shadow wins  
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say  
And let the words fall out  
Honestly I wanna see you be brave  
With what you want to say  
And let the words fall out  
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

Brave by SARA BAREILLES

**Alec's POV:**

All I could think about as I walked out of that room was getting as far away from Magnus as humanly possible. My next class was math and I didn't have that class with him so I knew he couldn't come in with me.

I shouldn't have pulled away from him, I shouldn't have gotten scared, and I shouldn't have looked so guilty when he asked about it. I should have just said I cut my arm at home while cooking dinner. Or that I fell and skinned my arm so bad it bled. Or something… I shouldn't have looked so guilty.

I think a part of me wanted someone to find out. But not Magnus.

I could see the pity in his eyes. At least he didn't look disgusted in me… well maybe he was. He might have been, I don't know.

I stopped at my locker and grabbed my math book.

"Alec wait."

I closed my eyes briefly and sighed, the hallway was crowded, and it wouldn't do well for him to talk to me about this in front of everyone. I shut my locker and kept walking towards my classroom. Hoping with the people in-between us he wouldn't catch up to me before I got safely in my desk.

I kept walking, I could hear him saying my name again but I just kept moving ahead. I didn't want to talk to him, I didn't want to see his pity, and most importantly I didn't want him to tell anyone.

If Izzy or Jace or even mom and dad find out… they'd probably send me away to some hospital somewhere and force me into therapy or something. No one would be able to save me though. My lifeline is tied directly to my dying best friend's. If she goes, I do. No one can stop that unless they strap me to a bed for the rest of my life.

I'm going to have to talk to Magnus sometime. Beg him not to tell anyone, say it was a one time mistake, nothing more nothing less. I can fix this mistake, and hopefully he'll understand. Hopefully he will listen to me.

I could feel his fingertips brush my shoulder and I finally turned around, I knew the bell would ring in a minute, and I could make my class but I didn't know if he could make his. I might as well just talk to him, as much as I hate missing classes I don't think it'll matter in a few months anyways, when I'm six feet down.

I shouldn't have tried to run from him, I've already tried this, he's taller than me, has longer legs, he could catch up to me easily. I looked up at him and tried to calm my breathing. "What do you want Magnus?"

Some of our classmates who were late stragglers were pointing and talking. The most popular guy in the school talking to the least popular guy? What a shocker! We'd be the talk of the school in no time. Izzy and Jace will probably ask me about this later…

He tilted his head to the side and I swear I could see the hurt in his eyes. But it disappeared quickly; maybe I was just imagining it. "We need to talk about this, let's go to the bathroom, the one in the music wing, it's not a multi stall bathroom so we can lock the door and no one can come in and hear us."

I sighed again and looked back towards my math class; my teacher wasn't outside waiting for the stragglers so no help came from that way. He gripped my shoulder tighter, "Alexander, you're not getting out of this. Let's go."

I turned back to him and nodded. The bell rang shrilly as we were walking back down towards the gym, cafeteria, and music hallway.

I couldn't believe I was actually going to talk to him about this. I didn't want to, I really didn't, but I had to make sure he didn't tell anyone about this. I would do anything to stop him.

My family would send me to a hospital; I'd never get to see Allie again. I wouldn't get to see my family, I wouldn't want to. And I wouldn't get to see Magnus… for some reason that hurt. Maybe he won't want to see me again. Maybe he's just pretending to be concerned when he really thinks I'm a freak.

My feet felt like lead as he led me down the hallway towards the music rooms. It felt like I was walking to my impending doom, my heart beat is racing against my chest. I have to stop freaking out. Magnus would never do anything to hurt me… right?

We walked by the Chorus and Band rooms, his hand planted firmly on my shoulder, and he pushed open the door to the bathroom, there are only two stalls in the room and the door can be locked from the inside. He pushed the lock shut and turned towards me. His eyes unreadable.

Here we go, he's about to tell me that he's going to tell someone. He's going to yell at me. Or worse, he's going to tell me he hates me for being weak. I'm not sure which of these options is the worse one.

I'm afraid he's going to hate me. After the two hugs and him calling me darling a few times I don't think he dislikes me, but I don't think it's anything more than a couple awkward hugs for him, even though to me it meant someone cares…

He's just staring at me… "Magnus, it was a one time mistake. I was upset about something about I just did it. But I will never do it again I swear."

He didn't say anything, just stared. What is he thinking?

**Magnus' POV:**

I chased him again, probably looked like a creepy weirdo again. There were people watching our exchange and I tried to keep his eyes on me even though they kept drifting towards his second classroom.

People were pointing and talking. I know I'm really popular, and Alec is… not. We probably looked weird, just standing in the hall staring at each other. I was expecting him to say no to going to the bathroom with me.

If anyone saw us going in there, which I'm sure no one did, they'd probably have a million questions and everyone would assume we're together. God I wish that was true… But I need to know the truth about him and his cuts.

I couldn't help the anger when he just blatantly lied to me.

"Magnus, it was a one time mistake. I was upset about something about I just did it. But I will never do it again I swear." Alec's eyes were looking into mine, pleading for me to understand.

But I don't understand Alec. Why would you cut yourself? What could be so bad in your life you have to hurt yourself? I don't get it. But I stayed quiet, just staring at him. Trying to think of the best thing to do.

When I chased him I had a good thought in my mind. I would corner him, force him to tell me the truth, than tell him it's all okay and tell him he maybe needs some help.

Now I don't know what to do, the urge to pull him into my arms once again was coming onto me. To hold onto him and try to force some happiness into his life was something I really wanted to do. But is it someone I will do? I don't know.

Alec's eyes were getting wider and wider, he looked terrified. I could feel my fingers stroking his shoulder, trying to calm him.

I could feel the words leaving my lips before I could stop them, "Don't lie to me, and was this really the first time?"

His eyes immediately were downcast and I could see the answer before he even answered, "Okay I've done it more than once but not recently. I don't do it often, only when I get… really upset about something. It makes me feel better. But I swear Magnus I won't do it again. Please don't tell anyone, my parents, Izzy, Jace, they'll kill me, bring me back to clean up the mess, than send me to some hospital. I'm really okay."

As he was talking I was nodding along, his sister and adopted brother would probably kill him than find some way to bring him back and get him help. They'll be angry at first than really supportive. I don't see how they've never figured this out when I've only really talked to him for a couple days…

"Alec… please tell me you'll never do this again. Promise me, you'll never cut again and I won't tell any of them." And I'll make sure you never cut again… I'll keep my eye on you as long as I can, I'll protect you from yourself.

Alec nodded possibly a little too quickly, "I swear I won't. This was a one time thing, I was just really upset."

I nodded. "When did you do it? It had to either be after my friends beat you up or my other friends made fun of you and Allie."

He winced, "It was the day you took me home from the party. After Marcus and his friends uh… beat me up."

I shut my eyes and nodded again… I regret not kicking that fucker's ass. I should have done it. Instead of just stopping him, I should have made him regret having ever touched Alec. I'll make that right, but right now I have to take care of Alec.

I pulled him in for a hug, my arms sliding around his back and my hands running up and down his back slowly, pushing at the knots in his muscles. Trying to ease the fear out of him.

"Alec I won't tell anyone. I want to keep you safe. That's all I want. If this was really a one time mistake, and you won't do it again no matter what, I won't tell anyone. I just want to make sure you're safe, and I can't do that if your family sends you away somewhere or if everyone in school knows you hurt yourself."

I could feel the tension easing out of him and I kept my hands light, gently running up and down his back. Giving him the option of pulling out of my arms if he wanted to. My heart stuttered and my eyes widened when a soft sob left his lips. I pulled him against me tighter.

"I'm sorry Magnus, it won't happen again. I promise." His face was pressed against my shoulder but I could hear him clearly, I could also feel wetness against my shoulder. I clutched at the back of his shirt and pressed my face against his hair, shushing him.

"It's okay Alexander. You're going to be okay now I promise. I won't let anyone hurt you again, I'll make sure you're safe here, I won't let anyone make fun of you or beat you up ever again."

I can't really do anything about his home life, but I could at least make sure no one here makes fun of him or hits him ever again here. I can keep him safe.

Alec pulled away and I could see the tears in his eyes. "Thank you Magnus."

I ran my fingertips along his jaw and pressed my lips against his cheek, it's not what I wanted to do, but it's a start. A start of me and Alexander Lightwood.


End file.
